As I write this, May 21, 2011--or as others call it, The Second Coming of Christ--is just two days off. Now if you expect to be swept up in The Rapture (not a Midnight Movie on The Move Channel), but you're not entirely sure, you should check out www.youvebeenleftbehind.com.

The site was started "for Christians by Christians" and for the benefit of those who wake up on May 22 to discover they woke up on May 22. We're they supposed to be residents of the ultimate pearly gated community by then?

Well... it depends. Which is why Natalie Jones of Surrey, Great Britain (You were thinking Tennessee, right?) started youvebeenleftbehind.com. According to the FAQ at Ms. Jones' site, "Our purpose is to get one last message to the lost, at a time, when they might just be willing to hear it for the first and last time."

Subscribers to the site pay $14.95 to leave behind messages that will be sent to their non-believing loved ones in a last ditch attempt to convince them that God is indeed turning Earth into a big vacant lot. That's if the sudden disappearance of 34.5 percent of the world's population and an unseasonable number of tornadoes, hurricanes, and raining fires didn't give the undeparted an idea that something is up.

"You've Been Left Behind gives you one last opportunity to reach your lost family and friends For Christ. Imagine being in the presence of the Lord and hearing all of heaven rejoice over the salvation of your loved ones. It is our prayer that this site makes it happen," Ms. Jones writes in the FAQ.

The messages will be sent by computer a few days after persons known to be Christians do not reply to the computer's email messages.

In her FAQ, Ms. Jones also asks, and answers, the burning question all religious scholars have pondered:

"Q: With all of the devastation after the Rapture how do you think the emails will be delivered?

"A: I do believe that the Internet will be up and running."

Thank God.

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Oh, and speaking of Second Comings--Sit down, Charlie Steen!--have you heard that BYTE magazine is being reincarnated as BYTE.com, the authoritative site for technological information, reviews, help, commentary, and fun and games. Look for it mid-July. If we're all still around.

A few minutes ago, I heard #Larry King interviewing someone while the Chilean miners were being hoisted to the surface.  Here's one of King's questions: "You're a neurosurgeon.  Is there a neurosurgical effect to all this?"

Larry, do you mean like some of the miners might come out showing the effects of a frontal lobotomy....? Oops!  I know we agreed that the rest of us would never discuss frontal lobotomies in front of you again.   I should have remembered.  After all, it's not like it's brain surgery.

Tonight in the pet snack section at T.J. Max, I found a new doggie treat--chicken wrapped around sticks of fried sweet potato.  I know what you're thinking, and you're right! They're mighty good eatin', and your dog doesn't have to know anything about them.

Hi, Trash Management Guy....

I got your notice last week saying you couldn't pick up my recyclables because they contain garbage, but you did not say what the garbage item(s) were.  I'm trying to do my best with this new system, but you'll have to admit that the instructions on how to distinguish garbage from something that can be recycled are skimpy.

For example, I have an old camera tripod I'd like to throw away. It's made of metal--aluminum, I think, but then I'm not a metallurgist--and plastic, and needless to say I know less about plastics than what little I know about metals.  Now I know some kinds of plastic are recyclable and others aren't. But I don't know what kind of plastic the plastic doodads on the tripod are made of.  I'm guessing that the aluminum legs on the tripod can be recycled because I believe aluminum cans can be. (Am I right so far?) But assuming the plastic is not recyclable and the metal parts are, am I supposed to strip the plastic parts off the metal and put them in separate trash cans? Because. really, I don't have the time to disassemble all he junk I need to throw away even if I knew what's recyclable and what's garbage.

I need more detail from you.  Could you please write on the bottom of this message what item(s) of garbage you were referring to, and I'll make sure to put them in the garbage container in the future. And if you can give me some guidance with the tripod, I'd appreciate it.

Thanks,

Ron White

I wonder if perhaps Cnet uses Google for its on-site searching?

his is a picture of my grandson, Jack.
The scary thing about this is that it was taken before the Batman movie with The Joker in it came out.
Even scarier is that this pcture wasn't taken during Halloween.

What ... happened.? Last fall, I was out on the streets, campaigning for Barack Obama like I never have before for a presidential candidate--because I never before had campaigned at all for a presidential candidate. After a Bush regime that threatened to end democracy because the Decider decided he could, Obama was more than the better candidate, he was the person who could bring our freedoms back to the U.S.

So it was a bit disconcerting when Obama did straighten out the gay thing Clinton introduced to the military. It was a real piss-off when Obama didn't shut down Gitmo on the get-go. It was infuriating when Obama started pumping more resources into Afghanistan. But I could somehow live with all that because, you know, Barack might have his reasons. But now, this wimpy, nampy-pamby attitude he's taken about our health care system is ... well, it's from an alternate universe, where the President Obama is not the same President Obama we elected.

The President's lack of leadership is rivaled only by George W. Bush--who, despite a majority opposition in Congress, managed to get things down while he focused his attention of his golf swing and clearing brush. Obama had a ringing victory that could only be seen as a mandate to carry out his policies. And health care was the most far-reaching, overdue policy. Thank goodness he was in a position to make insurance reform through committees and Congress like a farm boy being taken behind the shed for a whuppin’.

But no. He's been giving away parts of health care reform like they were petals on a flower and he was dancing about a May pole. Every time the Republicans whine about the poor insurance companies being unable to compete or how out taxes will pay to kill unborn children, Obama hands them a cookie like he would a blubbering child.

It doesn't matter what concessions the Repubs get, they're still not going to vote for health care and insurance reform. Why? Because they are selfish, ignorant, greedy lackeys of the medical and insurance companies, who stand to lose a bundle if we adopt a health system as efficient, affordable, and, yes, as good as the rest of the world has.

And Obama lets them get away with it? He lets the conservatives stomp all over him like flamenco dancers performing a human sacrifice? Why? Because Obama doesn’t' want to be a scary Negro.

The president could twist the arms of Congress the way Lyndon Johnson did. He could easily make bad guys of the Congress the way Truman did. He could, like FDR, mount the bully pulpit and use his extraordinary speaking skills to rally the same people who joined to support him during the election and to pub a moral whammy on anyone who opposes a system that would save lives and money.

But he doesn't. And the only reason is that taking an aggressive stand -- to act like the "angry black man" talented fools like Rush Limbaugh accuse him of being -- might inflame the fears that smolder in the souls of those folks you see screaming the nonsensical at town hall meetings, Don't be fooled that they are screaming because they oppose changes in health care and how we pay for it. They could care less. They're there because they don't like seeing a black man in the White House. (After all this country didn't build a Black House. It's a White House, goddamit.)

One woman at a town hall was practically sobbing as she burbled, "I want our country back!" Country back? From whom? Who took your country and where do you think they're hiding it? What the woman really wants to say is that she wants to take the country back from the Negroes, and put it back into the hands of decent, god-fearing, hard-working white people who don't wear their pants below their assess and don't listen to music with no discernable melody.

And Obama is fucking letting them get away with it. More thank he wants to achieve the precious goals he campaigned for, Obama doesn't want the first black presidency to be one that causes a race riot--a white race riot. To Obama that is the way his presidency would fail because it carries the possibility that a second black man will not be elected for another 150 years.

Well, Mr. Obama, screw that! What you fear most is more likely to happen if you show you cannot lead. That is the most important job a president has. And if you continue to throw away your powers of leadership in the names of compromise and bipartisanship, race won't matter in future presidencies because you will have taught us all that opportunity for blacks, Hispanics, and other minorities is no longer one of our country's ideals.

Now, I'm not saying that if a couple wants to have a Hello Kitty  theme for their wedding that they shouldn't be allowed to.
After all, someone let Michael Jackson get married dressed up like a toy soldier, and we all know how well that turned out.  All I am saying is that they probably shouldn't be allowed to reproduce.

--Ron White

How much do you have to want something that you're willing to frighten old people, keep dying children from getting help, and can sit by while thousands of families collapse in financial ruins you could have prevented?

The answer is you have to want something as bad as the Republicans want to get back into power. Because that's exactly what they're doing by spreading rumors that the universal health care plan is really a plot to kill old people because, you know, they're such a drag on the economy--not to mention being bores at parties.

When I first heard this, I couldn't believe it wasn't a joke--something the Democrats would say about Republicans, all in good jest because it's so obviooulsy untrue.  But no! The Republicans are actually spreading this lie. And some people are either being taken in by the lie or claiming to believe it to give it more credibility;.

When last night I saw news video of the Republican latest tactic--people shouting down a cabinet member and U.S. senator who were trying to explain the health plan. The idea is to make it seem that there is a grass-roots movement against the health plan. But it's all as  phony as a wrestling match between Georgeous George and Ivan the Terrible, These "demonstrations" are organized by the same people who brought you the recent tea parties -- you know, the ones that were about as exciting as a real tea social. And masterminding it all is Dick Armey, whose name really says it all.

This is all not a joke. Because of what these people are doing, real old people are going to die before their time--along with real children, and real young adults, people  who either can't afford health insurance or whom the insurance companies refuse to cover because it might cut into profits.

How sick, in the mental sense, and how greedy and how power hungry must          some one be to block a plan that would same lives and pull the United States out of third-world status? 

I don't know. I can't really imagine what such people are like inside their mouldering souls. I just can't imagine.

-- Ron White

A San Antonio woman this week chopped off her young infant's head. Then she ate his brains along with a toe or two and  stabbed herself a few times.  She didn't die. i know depression, anxiety, bad hormones, and shoddy nerves can cause all sorts of odd behavior, but what could have been going through this woman's head? I can't imagine. On second thought, I don't want to imagine it.